I'm still alive!

So both K. Pho and Sapphire mentioned that I should update my blogs on two completely separate occasions within 10 mins of each other. Soooo .... I take that as a sign that I should update my blog. That and the fact that it has been about 6 months and numerous, hilarious things have occurred.

That being said, I'm going to leave a lot of things out (so sorry). But hey, shoulda been there. I'm gonna cover the major topics. Um let's see. Went home for 3 weeks. Wunderwoman got married. Yay! Worked some football camps down in The Swamp. Mini Pumpkinseed family reunion in O-town. Then back to Norfolk for a day in preparation for the event that will occupy the majority of this post.

The National Certified Superhero Convention. It moves around every year and this year it was in Philadelphia (born and raised, on the playground is where I spent most of my days, chillin out, maxin, relaxin, cool and all, shootin some b-ball outside of a school ...). Boy was this a crazy trip. I mean a great networking opportunity. We were there a total 5 days but man it seemed longer. It's best to attack it day by day.

Day 1: So ya girl, J. Pumpkinseed, Certified Superhero rode up and stayed with 3 of my fellow certified superheroes: Sapphire (duh), B-Line, and Ridin Dirty. Took us forever to get there. When we finally got there, we checked into the Sheraton City Center. Shoutout to Candace the girl at the front desk for the hookup on parking. Blah, blah, blah. So what was special about Day 1? For the 2nd time in the past six months (the previous occasion was totally blogworthy but I forgot. So sue me. Shoulda been there) I was accosted by a bum (homeless person, streetwalker, etc if u wanna be PC. I don't, you'll see why) in a public place. We were in a bar speakin to some homies when I accidently made eye contact (stupid) with this bum. So of course he comes over to talk to Cam Jansen (oh yeah, Cam Jansen was there) and me. He starts by telling us that his name is Mr. Tony and he is a multimillion dollar tycoon. He's a celebrity which he proved by handing out flyers of himself from his own magical plastic bag. He is also an entertainer and dancer. So naturally I challenge him to a dance-off. Now he has some decent footwork for a dude his age but not good enough to make money off of. Sapphire sees all of this and naturally wants to immortalize the moment by taking a picture. So she starts snappin pics and when Mr. Tony sees this he goes over to his bag and pulls out his own Kodak disposable camera and starts snappin pics too. So dude asks us to watch his bag while he goes to the bathroom (yeah cuz ppl in the bar are gonna steal the contents of your smelly plastic bag). When he comes back, (Afterthought: I wonder if he washed his hands) he shows us these bus tix for all these cities along the east coast and says he's goin on tour. Legit bus tix. The real deal ... oh wait. Hold up. What's today's date? June 22nd. Hmm. All of these tix are dated June 21st. Umm. Me: "Mr. Tony these tix are all dated yesterday. I don't think u can use them anymore." Mr. Tony: "I can use them whenever I want!" ... Ok. Note to self: Don't mention his tix. So then it got weird. (Yes, THEN, it got weird).
Mr. Tony: Can I have your number? I think ur my soulmate. Please keep in mind this is a old, smelly, black man.
Me: Um, your soulmate? What makes you say that?
Mr. Tony: Well you talked to me, you watched my stuff for me while I went to the bathroom, and we have the same nose.
Me: ... We do not have the same nose.
Mr. Tony: Yes we do. (We don't) Dude then pulls out his cell phone. I honestly did not expect him to have one.
Me: I don't give my number out to strangers.
Mr. Tony: Well let me buy u a drink then. He has $12! Richest bum I know.
Me: No. I'm good.
At this point I am saved by one of my fellow certified superheros: This is our friend. Go away!

Yeah. Accosted by a bum. In a public place. Day one.

Days 2-5: A blur. Hmm. Let me hit the hi points:

• We partied in the VIP a couple nights.
• Gators went to the national quiz bowl. Didn't win. Gotta give other schools some hope.
• Sapphire made $14 dancing on the bar
• Ridin Dirty stayed out til 5 multiple nights and somehow made it back to our room every night.
• Ridin Dirty saved B-Line's life. As Ridin Dirty was comin in late one night, she passed B-Line in the hallway who, in her sleep, was making a B-Line for the elevator. Somehow she got B-Line back into the room. However, B-Line woke me up, got me to get out of my bed and immediately took my spot! U know I was heated. However, Ridin Dirty was able to convince me to just take B-Line's spot. And all was right in the world.
• Met and argued with several cab drivers.
• Saw a car-boat.
  
• Had a lady watch us as we filled our water cups.
• Sapphire made socks out of tape. And wore them in public.
• K. Pho fell in love with a waitress at a pizza joint. And named her Sophie.

And finally, one of the best parts of the trip came on the ride home. If you have not played the Burger King Crown Game (YES THERE'S A GAME. Follow the rules!) STOP WHAT UR DOING! I mean it. Seriously. Do your life a favor and drive to your nearest BK. And ask for a crown. If you dare. Believe me, it will be worth the time u waste. I'm not gonna get into it. You need to experience it yourself. I will say that it just might be the most fun and hardest laughs I've had in a while.

So yeah, that's what you've been missing out on. This post took a lot longer than I anticipated. Expect another soon. Oh and if ur drivin down Military Highway and a dude stares into u car, it's not because there's 4 girls in the car or u have dark tint. It's because he thinks ur ridin dirty.

I'm Baaaaaaaaack!!!

Sooo ... It's been a while. Happy Halloween!!! Happy Birthday!!! Happy Thanksgiving!!! Merry Christmas!!! Happy New Year!!! I know, I know, it's been like 1,2,3, months. Cam Jansen and Sapphire have been on my back big time. I'm sorry. A thousand apologies. A lot had happened over the past couple months. The life of a certified superhero can get somewhat busy and that's my excuse (Take it or leave it. Really doesn't matter if you accept it or not. You're still gonna have to deal with it.) But I'm back and that's all that matters. Suckaaaaaas.

Seeing how there's been a big 3-month gap, it's safe to say that a lot has happened. Obviously, i can't escape the randomness. I'm got gonna be able to talk about everything so i'm gonna just touch on the big stuff that I can remember.

Halloween: Yours truly, J. Pumpkinseed Certified Superhero, Sapphire, K. Pho, and Brawf decided to dress up as tetris pieces. Not only did we create interchangeable, multidirectional (that's right, multidirectional) tetris costumes, but we also found the appropriate accompanying tetris theme music. Now there's a video out there depicting this classic scene but i'm not gonna post it here. You gotta work for it. Think of it as your own little real life case of Where's Waldo. Go! (Actually, i don't know how to do it).

J. Pumpkinseed Day: Ya girl turned 23 this year. (and by this year i mean last year, 2009. Stop harping on the fact that i've been gone for so long.) I'm just gonna put it this way: I should not be allowed to go to ihop at 2 in the morning after consuming a moderate amount of alcohol. Especially not dressed as a tetris piece. And i also shouldn't attempt to "whisper" across the table about a dude at the next table staring at me. Said dude may or may not get angry when he hears me talking about said big head. Good times ...

Thanksgiving: Due to my certified superhero duties, I was unable to return home to the Huxtable brownstone. However, before embarking on my Spartan voyage, a few of my fellow certified superheroes, prepared a fantastic Thanksgiving feast. I made the Green Bean Casserole (by I, i really mean Sapphire made it while i was at work)!!! So, if u know me or anything about my infamous Holiday Food Facebook albums, you would know that I would never have a picture of green bean casserole in there. In other words, my Thanksgiving was of the Caucasian Persuasion. Now I know we black folks pride ourselves on throwin down in the kitchen however ... White folks can get down too! And my (Sapphire's) green bean casserole was actually really good. I see why white people love it so much.

Christmas: Finally got to go back home for a week. Then spent a couple days up in Gangstaville with Curry Chicken and the Cutest Team in the SEC. Then back to Trigga City and the Huxtable brownstone. You know what I realized? Not to take anything away from Heathcliff, Claire, and LilBruh but I really missed my dog Zeus (Yeah that's his real name. He lacks an alias not because my creative juices ran dry, but because he's a dog and therefore anonymity is unneccesary. Duh.) It was short and sweet but highly necessary.

New Years: Didn't do anything for new year's eve. It was actually very boring. I had just gotten back from a WONDERFUL (sarcasm) trip to Lake Charles, LA, AKA the Middle of Nowhere. Yay, it's 2010 ...

Ok, so I've finally reached the year 2010. And of course a lot of randomness has already occured.
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- So Sapphire and I got home and decided that it was time to finally take down our Christmas tree. Of course we waited for K.Pho to get here so he could use his manliness to take the tree downstairs for us. After we undecorated? dedecorated? unornamented? dedecorated? our tree, we had to figure our where to put it. Now I can't take credit for what happened next but it went a little something like this:

K.Pho (jokingly): We should put it in the back of my truck and throw it in the front yard of the Mansion. Haha.
[Sapphire gets a devilish look on her face and a mischievous grin].

Sapphire: Let's do it!

Me: Ok.

And we took that Christmas tree and we put it in the back of K.Pho's truck as he rode in the back. And we pulled up to the mansion and K.Pho used his ninja skills to stealthily jump out of the truck bed and put that tree in the middle of the Mansion's front yard. Everything went perfectly. We even came up with the perfect back story to accompany it. And it has worked perfectly until this day. I wonder how long it will take them to find this. Guess they should read my blog more often, huh?

*As a side note: Sapphire really likes decorating and we were going to decorate the house for MLK day (The next holiday) but unfortunately, the decoration manufacturers do not share our enthusiasm for this holiday. So, long story short, we couldn't do it, but best believe that we would if we could. That's ok, Black History Month is in a couple weeks.

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The attic dwelling tree rats have struck again! For several days there was a squirrel-sized hole in our sunroom. How do I know that it was squirrel-sized you say? Well probably due to the fact that one of those damn tree rats put it there! That's right! A tree rat punched a hole through our wall!!! Into our house! Wtf?! Now, I'm takin it personal. These lil SOBs have taken it waaaaay to far! We got the traps out there now. People are now, no longer calling our place the Penthouse but the Treehouse. o_o <----- Straightface = not funny. *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

This would not be a complete blog post without Quotes from Sparta. The following conversation took place between me and a Spartan basketball player:
Spartan: I hate having to do this.
Me: Do what?
Spartan: I gotta take this girl to get a pill. Do you have any pills back there?
Me: What pill?
Spartan: The morning after pill.
Me: Nah. We don't have those.
Spartan: Man, I hate getting these things, they're expensive.
Me: Maybe you should use protection then. Wear a condom.
Spartan: I do. I always do.
Me: What? Then why do you need to buy the pill?
Spartan: I always do. Every time I have sex with a girl. I just want to be extra careful.
Me: What?! That makes no sense. So wait, do these girls know this before hand?
Spartan: No. That would ruin the mood. I don't tell them until afterwards. They always agree and sometimes the even go half with me.
Me: Oh hell no! So what if you're in a relationship with a girl? Would you still make her do that?
Spartan: Yeah. Unless we were about to get engaged or something. Then I just wouldn't wear one or something. Oh wait! Is it bad for a girl to take more than one of those pills?
Me: Are you asking me if it's bad for a girl to unnecessarily take multiple morning-after pills over a long period of time?
Spartan: Yeah.
Me: Well it definitely can't be good for her.
Spartan: Oh.

Yes, ladies and gentleman, that really happened. I'm telling you that I can't make this stuff up.

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A couple YouTube links you should see:
- Real creative chick. Kinda reminds me of myself if i could rap. or sing. LoL.

http://www.youtube.com/user/tracema#p/a/0FAF25D86601975C/2/gwEezfM3t58

- This next one has a back story that you need to know. Sapphire showed me this one. So this dude is trippin out on acid. His friends decided to put him in the closet by himself. That is what the following video is the conversation that he has with himself. They used a lizard to represent the guy and animate the background but this is actually a dude tripping out. Don't do acid kiddies.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=skCV2L0c6K0

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Finally time for shoutouts:
-Big ups to Cam Jansen (sign her cast) and Sapphire for stayin on my butt and finally getting me to update this thing. I promise i'll try to keep it updated more often.
- Shoutout to #1 and Curry Chicken for taking me to Steak n Shake in Daytona.
- Shout out to Malia, my unofficial 4th roomie. You are missed.
- Shoutout to Deuce and Madu cause even tho ur hundreds of miles away, u still make me laugh everyday.