More random thoughts

Things that have been goin thru my mind lately:

- There's a certain individual, who shall remain nameless, who just might get deleted from my facebook friend list. We're really not even friends. Acquiantances maybe. Anyway. This individual makes a habit of using his/her profile status as a means to sh*t on Gville, and post empty threats. First off, i don't wanna hear about how your city is so much better than Gville and everybody in Gville is a loser. If that's the case, go home. Ur in Gville for a reason, ur education. U knew Gville was a college town before you got there. Everybody does. It's not a metropolis. Duh. Don't sh*t on the place that has provided you so many opportunities. And as far as the empty threats go, are you serious? What dude posts on his facebook status how he's gon beat another dude's *ss?! A real man would say it to his face! Not on the computer! Girls do that! Notice I said girls, not women. Which brings me to my next rant ...

- Don't put all ur business on facebook. I don't wanna know everything u and ur boo are going thru. Maybe its just cuz I'm a private person. I just really don't see why anyone would want to put all they business on the internet. (But, J. Pumpkinseed, Certified Superhero, why do you have a blog then? I told you I was bored! Besides I'm careful about what I post and I don't be using real names!) Its just not a good look in my opinion. But ya'll gon do what ya'll gon do and this ain't an advice column. So i don't really care.

- How the recession is affecting me: I went to Wal-Mart today, a Friday, at 2pm. I had trouble finding a close parking spot. Wtf? Why aren't these ppl at work? And no, it wasn't full of ppl my age, the majority of the folks in there were my parents' age. Imma need for My President to speed this new economical plan along because I need my private time at WallyWorld.

-Thumbs up: Cogan's Pizza on 21st. Don't I sound like a local? LoL. For my Gville peeps, it kinda has a Satchel's feel to it. Only more of a stoner feel than a hippie feel. And all the plates match. Our waitress wasn't that good. She didn't refill my Coke once and we were there for 4 hours. True Story. The pizza was good, not as good as Satchel's but then again, there aren't many places as good as Satchel's. There's a weird light there tho that flashes when the phone rings. Every five mins we thought the fire alarm was goin off. Also, every 10 mins the cook would yell Jaimie! at the top of his lungs. That got old, real quick. For u beer drinkers, they have like 30+ ales on tap i think. U know the kid is not a beer or wine drinker. It was a cool time tho. Real chill.

- Thumbs down: Dude we saw at Cogan's with a high top fade. Not only is that cut way past his prime, but he wasn't even wearin it right. Can't be called the Fresh Prince because it wasn't fresh. Get a line or something? When u start to lose the fade, it's time for a new cut! Now if he had the right swagger, he coulda pulled it off. But sadly that was not the case. Dare to be different but make sure u are daring when you do it differently!

- I'll admit that I do miss one big thing about the South. Southern Hospitality. When I was at Wal-Mart today, at 2pm. I couldn't help but notice how rude some of the ppl were. Leaving they cart all up in the middle of the row. Not moving out the way even tho you say excuse me several times. Takin up the entire aisle. Not bein considerate of other ppl's time. In the south we do things at a slower pace but we do act like we care about ur time. And no, I'm not sh*ttin on VA, the ppl in Wal-Mart today just pissed me off. That and not 5 mins after purchasing my full-length mirror, i cracked it trying to put it in the car.

- Been using a Garmin to get around. Gonna have to stop that cuz I'll end up relying on it and won't really learn my way around. This place is tricky tho. A lot of lanes will switch up on you and turn off onto another road or magically become turn only lanes without warning. I will learn ur ways u crafty Northern city planners. LoL. There are a lot of interstate highways here. Because there's so much water, there's also a lot of bridges and tunnels too. Drove thru my first tunnel the other day. Not tryna make that a habit. I'm not claustrophobic but I don't think anybody likes the idea of driving a car under hundreds of tons of Atlantic Ocean.

- Curry Chicken wanted me to mention plastic bra straps. They suck. Just because they're plastic doesn't mean I can't see them. They're not invisible. I wanna meet the dude/lady who invented that idea so I can shake their hand. U my friend are a genius. One word for those in the brassiere (That's right, i said brassiere. Don't act like ur not impressed) industry still making plastic bra straps: strapless.

- Went to a Triple-A baseball game the other day at Harbor Park. It was a fun time. No, I don't like baseball. Yes, I like going to baseball games. I like the atmosphere. Very laid back. I think the team's name is the Norfolk Tides. They played the Indianapolis Indians. Lost 11-3 but it was still really fun. I'd do it again in a heartbeat.

- Final thoughts:

• J. Pumpkinseed, Certified Superhero's version of ruffin it = No cable or internet for a week. I never wanna do it again.
• We have discovered large cockroaches crawling around in our newly renovated apartment. Exterminator doesn't come til next Thursday. Til then, pray for us ya'll.
• I need to work on my curbside parking. I always end up parking a foot from the curb and then having to get back in, start up the car, and repark. It's embarrassing.
• If you haven't already jumped on it, get that Trey Songz Anticipation mixtape and that Drake Heartbreak Drake 2 mixtape.
• Hot new songs: Throw it in the Bag Remix - Fabolous ft. Drake, Flight School - Kanye ft. T-Pain, Superman High - R. Kelly ft. OJ Da Juiceman, Salute - Fabolous ft. Weezy (Beat is BANANAS), Supplier - Shawty Lo ft. Trey Songz & Weezy, I'm a Beast - Pleasure P ft. Yung Joc, and Make Her Say - Kid Cudi ft. Kanye & Common. That's it. That's all I'm giving away.
• Shout out to Heathcliff and Claire. Thanks for being great rents. Shoutout to the Best Team in the SEC, BFFs, AT homies.
• Birthday Shoutouts to MeMe, Mainey F, Memphis 10, and Curry Chicken!

Popeye's + A Fire Extinguisher = Welcome to VA!!!

So I survived week 1 in Norfolk. Naw-folk? Nawr-folk? Naw-fuk? Nawr-fuk? Idk. Anyway, I finally have internet and cable which is good. I can finally tell u about some of the random things that have happened.

Well the first day that I got here me and my mom decided to go to Popeyes for dinner while my dad checked into the hotel. This is something that I thought only happened in movies. So, that's how I'm gonna tell it ...

Scene 1:
[J. Pumpkinseed and Claire enter the local Popeyes as Cashier, Drive Thru Girl, The Chef, LaShonda (Manager) are working]
[The Chef grabs some french fries and sits down at one of the dining room tables on his break.]

Cashier: Hi, how can I help you?
Claire: Hi, I'd like a #2 and a #3. Both Spicy
J. Pumpkinseed: I'd like the bonafide chicken and shrimp combo.
Cashier: For here or to go?
Claire: To go.

[Cashier walks off to bag the order and put more shrimp in the deep fryer. J. Pumpkinseed, Certified Superhero and Claire pay and wait.]

[5 minutes go by. Then a look of confusion comes over Cashier's face.]

Cashier: Shonda this thing is on fire.
LaShonda (from the back): What?

[All of a sudden the flame doubles in size. It is now face high.]

Cashier: Shonda! It's on fire!!!

[The Chef silently gets up from his chair and walks outside.]

LaShonda(running from back): What? Oh my God! Oh my God! I can't believe this! Get some water!

[LaShonda then proceeds to run around in circles.]

Claire: No! You don't put water on a grease fire!
Drive Thru Girl: Hahaha!
LaShonda: I don't know what to do. Help me! Help me please!
Drive Thru Girl: Maybe we should call 911.
J. Pumpkinseed: That would be a good idea.
Drive Thru Girl: Actually the fire department is across the street. Hahaha.
Claire: Well do you have a fire extinguisher?
Drive Thru Girl: Oh, yeah. (Gets fire extinguisher and places on counter.) Here it is.
LaShonda: I don't know how to use this. I've been asking them to show me how.
J. Pumpkinseed: You just take the pin out and spray it.
LaShonda: Can you do it? You can come back here if you want.
J. Pumpkinseed: Nah, I'm good.

[Mom unties the zip tie. J. Pumpkinseed removes the pin and sprays it to make sure it works. Then J. Pumpkinseed hands it back to LaShonda.]

J. Pumpkinseed: Here you go. Just spray it on the fire and you should be good.

[LaShonda puts out the fire. The Chef silently sneaks back in.]

Everybody: Hahaha.
LaShonda: I'm so glad ya'll were here. I don't know what I would've done.
J. Pumpkinseed (to Claire): I do. They woulda let this place burn down.
LaShonda (to Cashier): Give them whatever they want.
J. Pumpkinseed: I hope this means I get free chicken whenever I come here.

[J. Pumpkinseed, Certified Superhero and Claire exit Popeye's with a bunch of free chicken.]

And scene ...

Pretty crazy huh? True story tho. I guess that was my welcome to Norfolk. It was either the Popeye's Fiasco or the lady I saw on the median the other day.
She was an older lady wearing horizontal stripes and hula hooping on a grassy median to the boombox she had so carefully placed in a nearby tree. She waved at me. Actually she waved at all the cars that drove by. But I guess that could count as a welcome.

Last FL Post!!!

Ok peeps. I know its been a minute since I blessed ya'll wit another blog ... My b. I've been busy. Let's see, what have I done? Crossed a few more things off that list. I know I didn't get everything done but I'm glad with the few things I accomplished.

Packed up my apartment and chucked up the deuces to Gville. (of course not without some roommate drama).

Came to Trigga City AKA T-Town AKA 813rd. Oh yeah, AKA Tampa.

Leavin the 813 for the 757 tomorrow morning. 6am to be exact. Soo excited for a 12 hr drive with Claire and Cliff.

Yep that's right. Leavin the Sunshine State for the ... umm, Idk what they call VA. Note to self: look up VA's nickname.

Anywho, leaving familiarity for independence. Maybe that's it! Virginia the Independent State? No for some reason I don't think that's right ... The Land of Independence? The Land of Jefferson?

Okay. Now for some random thoughts:

1) Cliff wants to write Animal Planet cuz he thinks they have too many shows about domesticated animals. That's right. Who cares about cats and dogs? If I'm watchin tv I wanna watch a cheetah chasing a wildebeest. I can watch my dog lick himself at home.

2) One example of how English is the hardest language to learn: enough. Think about it. If I was just learning English I'd prolly pronounce the word ee-NOWG. No way I'd look at that and say ee-NUFF. I mean who got to decide that that's how u spell that word? And we make fun of people who can't speak English ...

SHOUTOUTS: Port Orange, Curry Chicken, Peter Parker, Deuce, Madu, LiLBruh, Best Team on Campus, all my Gville Homies, All the blog subscribers ...

Which reminds me, don't just read, COMMENT!!!
Don't just read, SUBSCRIBE!!!

Random sights of the week ...

*Saw a crazy club fight. Involved several drag queens large enough to be on the football team and several women. Idk how it started but it ended with everyone clearing the club. Continued outside the club and onto the street. Security couldn't stop it. Neither could the cops. I heard and then saw a taser in the hands of a drag queen the size of a offensive lineman. Not two minutes later, I saw a drag queen walking around brandishing a fire extinguisher. By far the strangest club fight I've ever seen. True Story ...

**While fishing, for the first time, one of my friends caught a stingray which is useless. It was fat and we figured it had just eaten a large fish. As the stingray lay on the sidewalk dying brown stuff started coming out a hole. We assumed that it was pooping on itself. It was night time and we could hardly see so Curry Chicken used my camera to take a picture with the flash. It was then that we realized we were watching 3 baby stingrays come into the world. Prolly one of the weirdest things I've ever seen. True Story ...

Random thought of the moment ...

Random thought: So I was driving down I-75 and traffic was killin me when I got to thinking. Where are all the jetpacks? I mean think about it. We have sent men to the moon. Hundreds of airplanes are flying through the air at any point in time. WE HAVE A BLACK PRESIDENT! Surely by now I should be cruisin around in the latest model jetpack instead of having to deal with afternoon traffic.

To be completely honest with you, I think that such jetpacks do exist. However, I believe that the automobile industry has paid the jetpack inventors to keep their mouths shut. Well my mysterious jetpack innovators, now is the time to stand up and be counted! The world is ready now!

(Gville) To do list ...

Ok so trust, this won't happen very often. But ur girl, J. Pumpkinseed, Certified Superhero, will be moving my cape to a different city. I'm leavin Gangstaville in a mere matter of days and relocating to VA. Packing is lonely, and depressing. I wish I could just snap my fingers and have everything magically appear boxed up and in my car. Right now that's at the top of my inventions list. Right above to LiLBruh's U-Turn signal (yeah think about it. Tell me that's not a great idea). Anywho, it's really startin to hit me that I'm really gonna miss this place. Mostly the ppl i've come to call friends.

*Random sidenote: Watching "16 and Pregnant." Dude went to Wal-Mart to buy his girl's engagement ring. Total came to $21.40 (Yes, MTV put him out there). But then he goes on to ask the lady at the counter about the Return Policy. WTF? Idk why anyone would return a $20 engagement ring. First off, I'd be too embarrassed. Second, you could totally wrap that up and regift it to your grandma for Christmas. ... Now back to the mushy note.

I guess it didn't really hit me til the other night when i was sitting in the empty apartment by myself. I'm really leaving and moving out on my own so to speak. I should be used to picking up and leaving but it's weird cuz this time i'm doin it alone. No LiLBruh. No Heathcliff. No Claire. Which is cool. Kinda scary but still cool.

Anyway, I now find myself scrambling to do all the things I wanted to do but haven't. Its impossible. Hopefully, I'll scratch a few off this weekend.

1) I can already scratch off going to the bank and being chauffeured around by Deuce.
2) Curry Chicken already made me some curry chicken.
3) I think i need one more trip to the beach wit Curry Chicken, Port Orange, and Peter Parker
4) Buy a shell necklace at above beach.
5) Learn how to fish.
6) Chill wit Peter Parker for a whole day. (No video games)
7) Chill wit Deuce and prove once and for all that i'm taller. (No cell phones). LoL. J/k. U couldn't do it.
8) Go to Captain D's wit Madu.
9) Go bowling wit the Usual Suspects.
10) Make hot CDs for Staph and Lumpia.
11) Lose at dominoes to Jamaica's Next Top Model.
12) Go out with the Cutest Team in the SEC again.
13) Go to Tropical Smoothie after the club (yes, they're open 24/7 now).
14) Have a BBQ.
15) Go to Satchel's with Curry Chicken, Peter Parker, and McPatty's Fave.

And that's only the one's that I can name off the top of my head. See what i'm saying? Nowhere enough time. But i'll keep u updated. Maybe by the time i leave everything will be crossed off. This has been a long, rampled post so i'll stop now. Bottom line: I'm gonna miss everybody. There I said it.

One more closing thought: I just ate a 6-pack of oreos and drank 2 glasses of tropical punch kool-aid. Don't ever do that. I feel like my teeth are gonna fall out.

Model Parent?

So yesterday a friend and I went to the beach. We were chillin takin in the sun (don't worry I had plenty of my SPF 50 on) when we heard the lady next to us make an interesting comment. Her kids were running out to go play in the water when she said:

"When the waves come in and they start to take you, don't fight it. Just go with the wave. Let the wave take you. Then after it takes you, stand up and you'll be fine."

Ok, so I'm not a swimming expert. Nor am I a parent. However, I don't think you should tell ur kids to "let the wake take them." Plus, if the kid did listen to their mom and rode the wave, wouldn't they be further away from shore and in deeper water, thereby making it impossible for them to stand up? Idk. Maybe it's just me. Still scratching my head on that one ...

So the Drake video is still puzzling me. Seriously, all he had to do was get one girl and go thru the stereotypical love videos and it woulda been a wrap. I coulda directed the video.

Enter: Drake and some random girl (probably light-skinned with "good hair", let's be real).
Scene 1: Drake and video vixen walking in the park eating ice cream
Scene 2: Drake and vixen are seen eating lunch at an old school diner (for some reason those are popular in music videos)
Scene 3: They go on a date, probably to the movies. Maybe even a drive-in.
Fade to black ...

Seriously it's that easy. What makes me mad I guess is Drake's own explanation for the concept of the video.

"Some of us younger men, we refer to our affiliation with women like a roster," Drake said, explaining the clip's concept to MTV News. "You have key women in your life when you're single and doing your thing."

Although, what Drake says is in reality probably true. I still think it is a pathetic excuse for an even more pathetic video. That's it. I'm done. No more talking about this video.

Worst I Ever Had ...

Drake finally debuted the video for his song "Best I Ever Had."

It sucks.

I didn't expect a whole lot from the video but I definitely didn't expect the above. Seriously all Drizzy had to do is get one girl and rap to her the entire video and I woulda been happy. Woulda been cheaper too (we're in a recession). But instead he decided to make it into ur average video vixen video. Now I know there's a bunch of theories out there about the video. Some ppl think that the girls on the team are the ones who think the song is about them when reality it isn't. They're really just "on his team" but could never be his MVP. Others say the video portrays Drake as a coach cuz he's runnin game on the girls.

My theory: Kanye wanted to direct this video so he could kill Drake's hype. That or he just really doesn't know what a video director does. I could see the 1st but it's probably the latter.

Fried Chicken Conspiracy

A friend and I (who shall remain nameless unless she wants a shoutout) were sitting in the drive-thru at Popeye's for, no lie, like 20 mins. I had already eaten so I was good but my friend was hungry and pissed that it was taking so long. This is the conversation that followed:

Friend: U know, I don't understand why places like KFC and Popeye's always take so long!
Me: What do you mean?
Friend: Well they already know what I want ... chicken! It should already be done. All they have to do is put it in the box.
Me: Well that's a good point. But most chicken places are in the hood and you know how ppl in the hood are. They not gon rush if they don't want to.
Friend: But still! All they have to do is put it in the box. Even if they just threw some chicken in the box they'd probably still be right half the time!

Interesting point. I brought this same topic up to my brother and as usual he had a conspiracy about it. Apparently because there are really only 3 major fried chicken joints in the country (well at least the south): Popeye's, KFC, and Church's. Because they don't have as much competition as places like McDonald's, they came together and agreed that there's no need to rush. So basically, if you're sitting in the drive-thru at Popeye's there's really no reason to get out and go to KFC because they're gonna take just as long. According to my brother that's just good business ...

Jerrell's new phrase ...

My brother tends to invent sayings and this blog by no means is meant to be serious so every now and then stupid stuff will appear on here i.e., the following phrase:

Stranger Farts = When you pass gas and it doesn't smell like your usual brand. It smells like that of a stranger.

*Instead of "pass gas" I was going to put flatulate but apparently that isn't a word. Soooo, where the hell does the word flatulence come from. And furthermore, what is the proper term for farting?

Abolition of the Leap Year

Just realized that when I have kids, i don't want any of them to be born on February 29th. That would suck. Why do we even put that day on the calendar? Actually, why do we even have such thing as a leap year? Why don't we just officially add an extra day to the calendar? Seriously, if someone just decided that every year would include 366 days, we would never know the difference. We should count February 29th every year. Who gets to decide that? Obama's about change. I think I'm gonna make up a petition and present it to him. I'll get all the Leapers (c'mon ,use those context clues) to sign it. The rest of the world loves Obama so once we get him on board it'll be a breeze to get it to the United Nations.

First blog. Ever. In my life ...

So, why did i decide to blog? Idk. Probably boredom. That usually sparks the majority of my random actions and comments.

i tend to ramble. which you'll soon notice. and i don't always write complete sentences. (this isn't an essay).

i write things as i think them. deal with it. j/k. but seriously.

ok honestly bored with this first entry so i'm gonna end it. wait i should seem somewhat excited so i'm gonna end it like this!