*This is gonna be quick. I gotta leave for work soon.*
Great news peeps! I finally got a new laptop (Thank you Jesus!). Made the big move from a PC to a Mac. And to all my PC ppl out there, I'll admit that although I was pretty hesitant to it at first, I'm glad I did it. My wallet prolly wishes i got a PC but that's a whole nother story for a whole nother blog post (that most likely won't ever happen cuz i don't need ya'll in my pocket like that). But yeah, ur girl got a new computer. Life is good.
Quotes from Sparta:
Me (to player before game): It's cold outside. U not gonna wear gloves?
Player: Girl! I'm a man, not a boy! I don't need no gloves!
******************************************************************
Before the battle against Troy (cross town rival school. See what I did there? Try to keep up peeps. Read a book.) me and my fellow superheroes are in the locker room bringing the soldiers some water. There's a lot of laughter in there and one of the Coaches doesn't like this.
Coach: Hey! I ain't never killed a b*tch. But I d*mn sure know that if I was gonna kill a b*tch, 30 mins before I was gonna do it, I wouldn't be laughing and kee-keeing!
******************************************************************
Last thing. LilBruh put me on this so I'll give credit where credit is due. There's this dude on You Tube called Mr. Chi-City. Dude has a bunch of videos that I think are hilarious. Gotta check out the Man vs. Bug video and the Christmas Giveaway. Ooh. Also the one about the fridge too. Plus he has a bunch more. Not gonna lie, they're pretty long but so are a lot of my posts. So if u can read one of my posts, u can watch some of his videos.
So that's all for now peeps. Next time I'm gonna post some songs and stuff like that. Haven't done that in a minute and now that I have a good computer, i can finally get some good music. Stay warm peeps. This is J. Pumpkinseed, Certified Superhero signing off from the top of Ice Mountain with 5 parkas, 3 pairs of pants, some uggs, and a hot pocket. (<--- No idea where that came from).
Sunday, October 18, 2009
Thursday, October 8, 2009
More Tree Rats, Updates from Sparta & Shoutouts
Sooo, i came home to a houseful of flies about 3 days ago. Seriously, about 100 flies swarming around Sapphire when I got home. I guess the maggots that the pest guy warned us about finally hatched. Disgusting. I been calling what I thought was my landlord's cell phone but was told that it was actually his home phone (Claire thinks its a lie. She says that's really the cell phone cuz she called it once and he said he was away. Plus he gave us the number on the back of his card. Wtf?). Anywho, they say there's nothing they can do and that we need to wait it out. Well all the flies are dead now. Thanks in large part to Sapphire's super fly-killing skills. I seen another tree rat pickin leaves out a tree and climbing into the house. I even seen him pick a leaf, climb halfway up the wall, come back down, drop the leaf, and pick a better one before climbing back up the house. If the landlord don't stop trippin, Imma show up at the leasing office (a 30 min drive w/o traffic) and tell him to come chill in my place for an hour and see how he feels.
Updates from Sparta:
Updates from Sparta:
- Speaking of tree rats, we have a squirrel in the Sparta Certified Superhero HQ. They're crawling around in the ceiling throwing insulation down. Of course ...
- One of our football players was actin like a real "female dog" today. Please tell me if u disagree:
Player (sweating profusely): Do u have a towel?
Me: No.
Player (w/Attitude): Man! Where the other f**kin trainers at?
Me: We don't carry towels so it doesn't matter. Ask [Manager]
Player (yelling across the field) : [Manager]! [Manager]! Man bring the towel over here!
[Manager tells him to hold on cuz he's talkin to someone.]
Me: Man do u need a towel that bad?
Player: Yeah my sweat is gettin in my eyes.
[I start looking thru my utility belt for some gauze.]
Player: I can't believe this s***! Don't nobody wanna do their job.
[Instantly, I stop searching and could care less if he went completely blind at that moment.]
[Player goes in to participate in the play].
Me (to Teammate): Dang. Is he on his period?
[Manager comes to sideline and places the towel on the sideline].
[Player comes back to sideline. Snatches towel up, wipes face, and throws it onto the water bottles.]
Me: Wow really? He's actin like a girl on her period. (To injured player): Don't drop the soap.
I really had to restrain myself because I was super tempted to ask him if he needed a tampon.
Anyway, I do know some cool athletes ...
I gotta shoutout 3 of my favorite ball players:
Jamaica's Next Top Model - Playin international ball in Spain. Espero que estar practicando su espanol.
Lottie Dottie - Playin international ball in Israel. Double doubles already? Ridiculous!
Peter Parker - Playin international ball in Turkey. Apparently the only person in Turkey with dreads. Represent!
Ok peeps. I'm out. Not without leaving u with a disgusting new invention that I just learned about courtesy of Bravo. Three words ppl: placenta teddy bears. Mmmm .... Enjoy. http://blogs.babble.com/strollerderby/2009/10/01/placenta-teddy-bear-so-snuggly/
Sunday, October 4, 2009
Attic Dwelling Tree Rats
Sooo, its been a while since something really strange has happened at The Penthouse (Formerly The Deuce). Which of course means that Sapphire and I were long overdue.
Day 1: So about two weeks ago, I came home from work to find a few flies inside the house. Annoying but no big deal. Killed a few, did some homework, and called it a day.
Day 2: The next day, I woke up and went to work then class. When I got home I was met with a rather unpleasant odor and the flies had multiplied exponentially. I was greeted at the top of the stairs by Sapphire who was not feelin the smell either. I'm talkin about 20-30 flies flying around the place. Major Problem. So we start walking around, looking for a source for the smell and the flies. It seemed like the smell was worse in our front porch room. And the flies were everywhere. It was evident that something had died. We looked all over the house and decided that it must be in the attic. We live in a nice neighborhood and there are a lot of squirrels crawling around outside so I assumed that's what it was.
Sapphire, being much braver than me, decided to go up in the attic and see if the smell was worse up there. She opened the door and crawled up the ladder to go up in the attic and before she even stepped foot in there she made a strange discovery. Next to the ladder was an apple, an empty water bottle, and some flowers. Oh hell to the naw. She hurried down the ladder and looked at me with confusion on her face. Well u know I wasn't bout to crawl up there. Given our luck, we very well could have a squatter in our attic.
In order to get rid of the flies, we decided to make an emergency trip to Walmart. We were up in Walmart gettin whatever we could to get rid of the flies. Not only were they super annoying, but they made it hard to concentrate and as a professional procrastinator I of course had an assignment due the next day. We bought a bunch of air fresheners and fly tape. We wanted one of those electrical fly zappers but of course they didn't have one. Turned out that the fly tape was useless anyway but I digress.
On our way back we called up some of our male classmates, E-Newt and Banana Republic to come check the attic for us and make sure that there wasn't a squatter in the attic. When we got home we were also met by K. Pho who needed to use our wireless. Long story short, all 3 guys ended up in our attic. They made several interesting discoveries: 1) No squatter. 2) The apple was a fake Christmas decoration. 3) There was also a single crutch and typewriter up there. 4) The smell was definitely stronger up in the attic. 5) Rat poop. At the mention of rat poop, Sapphire immediately called the landlord's office and left a message about the situation.
Day 3: Of course they didn't return the phone call so I called again and they sent the smelly handyman to our house. According to Sapphire, he searched the attic and didn't find anything but said that there was definitely something dead up there. Uh, no duh. By now, our place smelled so bad we had to close off certain rooms to keep the smell secluded to certain rooms and not contaminate the rest of the house. But it still smelled awful. And now the kitchen smelled the worst. The handyman basically just told us that we'd have to live with it cuz there was nothing he could do. Not cool. So I decided to call up the landlord that night on his personal cell phone and talk to him personally. Naturally he didn't answer but I left him a nice little message. The next morning I got a phone call from a pest removal guy.
Day 4: The pest removal guy went up in the attic and almost immediately found the culprit: a dead squirrel. Or as I like to call him, The Attic Dwelling Tree Rat. He deoderized the area (directly above the kitchen) in the attic and in the kitchen. Basically, what happened was that somehow the squirrel got up into the attic and couldn't get out so he died. And the rotting body formed maggots which is where the flies came from. He set some traps up outside the house and was able to find 4 more squirrels and keep them out of the house.
So, the house doesn't really smell anymore and all the flies are gone. Just another crazy day in VA. I'm seriously starting to think that the City of Norfolk hates me. I already don't get along with squirrels. K. Pho was over here the other night and he said that he thought he heard something crawling around either in the ceiling or between the walls. Probably another squirrel. Great. Sometimes I wish I made this stuff up ...
Day 1: So about two weeks ago, I came home from work to find a few flies inside the house. Annoying but no big deal. Killed a few, did some homework, and called it a day.
Day 2: The next day, I woke up and went to work then class. When I got home I was met with a rather unpleasant odor and the flies had multiplied exponentially. I was greeted at the top of the stairs by Sapphire who was not feelin the smell either. I'm talkin about 20-30 flies flying around the place. Major Problem. So we start walking around, looking for a source for the smell and the flies. It seemed like the smell was worse in our front porch room. And the flies were everywhere. It was evident that something had died. We looked all over the house and decided that it must be in the attic. We live in a nice neighborhood and there are a lot of squirrels crawling around outside so I assumed that's what it was.
Sapphire, being much braver than me, decided to go up in the attic and see if the smell was worse up there. She opened the door and crawled up the ladder to go up in the attic and before she even stepped foot in there she made a strange discovery. Next to the ladder was an apple, an empty water bottle, and some flowers. Oh hell to the naw. She hurried down the ladder and looked at me with confusion on her face. Well u know I wasn't bout to crawl up there. Given our luck, we very well could have a squatter in our attic.
In order to get rid of the flies, we decided to make an emergency trip to Walmart. We were up in Walmart gettin whatever we could to get rid of the flies. Not only were they super annoying, but they made it hard to concentrate and as a professional procrastinator I of course had an assignment due the next day. We bought a bunch of air fresheners and fly tape. We wanted one of those electrical fly zappers but of course they didn't have one. Turned out that the fly tape was useless anyway but I digress.
On our way back we called up some of our male classmates, E-Newt and Banana Republic to come check the attic for us and make sure that there wasn't a squatter in the attic. When we got home we were also met by K. Pho who needed to use our wireless. Long story short, all 3 guys ended up in our attic. They made several interesting discoveries: 1) No squatter. 2) The apple was a fake Christmas decoration. 3) There was also a single crutch and typewriter up there. 4) The smell was definitely stronger up in the attic. 5) Rat poop. At the mention of rat poop, Sapphire immediately called the landlord's office and left a message about the situation.
Day 3: Of course they didn't return the phone call so I called again and they sent the smelly handyman to our house. According to Sapphire, he searched the attic and didn't find anything but said that there was definitely something dead up there. Uh, no duh. By now, our place smelled so bad we had to close off certain rooms to keep the smell secluded to certain rooms and not contaminate the rest of the house. But it still smelled awful. And now the kitchen smelled the worst. The handyman basically just told us that we'd have to live with it cuz there was nothing he could do. Not cool. So I decided to call up the landlord that night on his personal cell phone and talk to him personally. Naturally he didn't answer but I left him a nice little message. The next morning I got a phone call from a pest removal guy.
Day 4: The pest removal guy went up in the attic and almost immediately found the culprit: a dead squirrel. Or as I like to call him, The Attic Dwelling Tree Rat. He deoderized the area (directly above the kitchen) in the attic and in the kitchen. Basically, what happened was that somehow the squirrel got up into the attic and couldn't get out so he died. And the rotting body formed maggots which is where the flies came from. He set some traps up outside the house and was able to find 4 more squirrels and keep them out of the house.
So, the house doesn't really smell anymore and all the flies are gone. Just another crazy day in VA. I'm seriously starting to think that the City of Norfolk hates me. I already don't get along with squirrels. K. Pho was over here the other night and he said that he thought he heard something crawling around either in the ceiling or between the walls. Probably another squirrel. Great. Sometimes I wish I made this stuff up ...
Updates from Sparta
A thousand apologies blog. I have forsaken you. It has been almost 3 weeks since my last entry. Of course that doesn't mean that the randomness has ceased.
Updates from Sparta:
1) Ferrari bit it hard at practice by stepping in a hole. A hole that she knew was there. After watching me remove the crate that we use to cover the hole everyday. Classic lateral ankle sprain. I laughed for a good 10 mins straight about it. EPIC FAIL! (What does that really mean? Why do ppl say that? Why did I just say that?).
2) Cam Jansen got trucked in practice about a week and a half ago. She wasn't paying attention to the play and standing behind one of the coaches. When the play came towards them, the coach stepped outta the way and Cam was run over by one of our WRs. Unfortunately, although we were both at practice neither Ferrari nor I were able to witness this glorious event with our own eyes. Maybe next time.
Moral of the story: It ain't easy being a certified superhero so u better keep ur head on a swivel. (Shoutout to Petey V for teaching me that).
Speaking of Cam Jansen, I think this individual has earned herself a special section in the Dread Thread. She and I go back and forth all of the time and it's usually pretty funny. Here's a little taste. We'll call it:
Cam Jansen's Clicks
Cam: Sorry I missed ur call. My phone was on vibrate.
Me: Don't let it happen again. next time u get excommunicated and we vote u off the island.
Cam: LoL. Ain't no one puttin out my torch. Put that in ur blog and smoke it.
Me: LoL. That was a good one.
Cam: I thought so. I was proud.
---------------------------------------
Cam: Can u see that the whirlpool gets filled today? One of my athletes needs to use it.
Me: Idk Cam. I just get so busy sometimes. I might be doing something more important like counting my dreads. If I get done early I might be able to fit that in.
Cam: Anyone ever tell you ur an ass?
Me: Pretty much on a daily basis. Not so much in words. Mostly just in looks.
Cam: LoL. Thanks for being so obliged to my request.
Me: No problem. My ppl have been doin ur ppl favors for hundreds of years. LoL.
Cam: Oh lordy. Shut ur yap. LoL
---------------------------------------
Me: Any suggestions on where to go out tonight?
Cam: Baxter's is a nice casual sports bar place.
Me: Ok thankx Cam.
Cam: Last time I was in Baxter's I got in a fight. LoL. U better do me proud.
Me: No problem. I need something to spice up the blog anyway.
Cam: I have like a 90% chance of getting in a scuffle tonight too. This should be interesting.
Me: LoL. Well if u need me just give the bird call and I'll be there in 5.
Cam: Who's gonna let you out of ur night shackles?
Me: LoL. That's a good one. Especially considering I didn't tell u how they had me shackled to the BTE Evaluator in class.
Cam: Hahahahaha. Slavery has expanded to motion analysis.
----------------------------------------
Me: We're on our way downtown. Which place are u closer to?
Cam: I'm at an ODU house party. I'm not bar-ing it.
Me: Oh ok. We thought u were gonna come meet up. Such a disappointment Cam.
Cam: I know. I have friends outside of ODU AT :)
Me: LMAO! Ur hilarious. Well when I make some black friends I'll try to pencil u in.
Cam: Hahahahah.
Updates from Sparta:
1) Ferrari bit it hard at practice by stepping in a hole. A hole that she knew was there. After watching me remove the crate that we use to cover the hole everyday. Classic lateral ankle sprain. I laughed for a good 10 mins straight about it. EPIC FAIL! (What does that really mean? Why do ppl say that? Why did I just say that?).
2) Cam Jansen got trucked in practice about a week and a half ago. She wasn't paying attention to the play and standing behind one of the coaches. When the play came towards them, the coach stepped outta the way and Cam was run over by one of our WRs. Unfortunately, although we were both at practice neither Ferrari nor I were able to witness this glorious event with our own eyes. Maybe next time.
Moral of the story: It ain't easy being a certified superhero so u better keep ur head on a swivel. (Shoutout to Petey V for teaching me that).
Speaking of Cam Jansen, I think this individual has earned herself a special section in the Dread Thread. She and I go back and forth all of the time and it's usually pretty funny. Here's a little taste. We'll call it:
Cam Jansen's Clicks
Cam: Sorry I missed ur call. My phone was on vibrate.
Me: Don't let it happen again. next time u get excommunicated and we vote u off the island.
Cam: LoL. Ain't no one puttin out my torch. Put that in ur blog and smoke it.
Me: LoL. That was a good one.
Cam: I thought so. I was proud.
---------------------------------------
Cam: Can u see that the whirlpool gets filled today? One of my athletes needs to use it.
Me: Idk Cam. I just get so busy sometimes. I might be doing something more important like counting my dreads. If I get done early I might be able to fit that in.
Cam: Anyone ever tell you ur an ass?
Me: Pretty much on a daily basis. Not so much in words. Mostly just in looks.
Cam: LoL. Thanks for being so obliged to my request.
Me: No problem. My ppl have been doin ur ppl favors for hundreds of years. LoL.
Cam: Oh lordy. Shut ur yap. LoL
---------------------------------------
Me: Any suggestions on where to go out tonight?
Cam: Baxter's is a nice casual sports bar place.
Me: Ok thankx Cam.
Cam: Last time I was in Baxter's I got in a fight. LoL. U better do me proud.
Me: No problem. I need something to spice up the blog anyway.
Cam: I have like a 90% chance of getting in a scuffle tonight too. This should be interesting.
Me: LoL. Well if u need me just give the bird call and I'll be there in 5.
Cam: Who's gonna let you out of ur night shackles?
Me: LoL. That's a good one. Especially considering I didn't tell u how they had me shackled to the BTE Evaluator in class.
Cam: Hahahahaha. Slavery has expanded to motion analysis.
----------------------------------------
Me: We're on our way downtown. Which place are u closer to?
Cam: I'm at an ODU house party. I'm not bar-ing it.
Me: Oh ok. We thought u were gonna come meet up. Such a disappointment Cam.
Cam: I know. I have friends outside of ODU AT :)
Me: LMAO! Ur hilarious. Well when I make some black friends I'll try to pencil u in.
Cam: Hahahahah.
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